Yesterday finally had the chance to go back home after a long emotional week. Have been thinking and haunted by lots of things for the past week. Could hardly catch my breath anymore. I really need a short break from everything that is happening around me. Since I entered UM, this was the first time I felt truly glad that I was able to return home; to meet my family and just hangout with some old friends.
I was lying on my bed yesterday night while listening to some songs. Everything felt very comfortable and relaxed. But soon problems begin popping in my mind. And it finally happened. After god-knows how many years, tears begin to roll out of my eyes. I cried. I cried my heart out like I've never cried before. Everytime a problem flashed across my mind, I cried even harder as though to flush it away. But I was thinking why? After such a long time, and out of all places and time, why did I have to cry now?
I guess the answer was simple. I'm finally back to a place I'm comfortable with. A place where no one can watch and criticize me. A place where I can let my guard done and stop being defensive. Then I realize, behind the confident and cheerful face that I show people outside, I'm just a little kid inside, unprepared for the big bad world out there.
p.s. I've tried my best, but is best enough?