Finally

我不是你想像那么勇敢

多想让你保护能流泪一场

Yesterday finally had the chance to go back home after a long emotional week. Have been thinking and haunted by lots of things for the past week. Could hardly catch my breath anymore. I really need a short break from everything that is happening around me. Since I entered UM, this was the first time I felt truly glad that I was able to return home; to meet my family and just hangout with some old friends.

I was lying on my bed yesterday night while listening to some songs. Everything felt very comfortable and relaxed. But soon problems begin popping in my mind. And it finally happened. After god-knows how many years, tears begin to roll out of my eyes. I cried. I cried my heart out like I've never cried before. Everytime a problem flashed across my mind, I cried even harder as though to flush it away. But I was thinking why? After such a long time, and out of all places and time, why did I have to cry now?

I guess the answer was simple. I'm finally back to a place I'm comfortable with. A place where no one can watch and criticize me. A place where I can let my guard done and stop being defensive. Then I realize, behind the confident and cheerful face that I show people outside, I'm just a little kid inside, unprepared for the big bad world out there.

让我放下武装像个孩子一样

单纯的把爱情放在你心上

p.s. I've tried my best, but is best enough?

Choppy,

-Tired-

Alone

我一个人吃饭　旅行　到处走走停停
也一个人看书　写信　自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你

Many people think that I'm a happy person. Well, I want to be a happy person..but it's never easy. Many people have seen me laugh, some have seen me gone emo, while few have seen me cry but how many really knows what's inside me? I believe none. That's not anybody's fault though but rather my own. I don't share what's inside of me with anyone. I don't know why. Maybe I've not found the right person or maybe I just don't want to. So, most see me smiling all the time and call me a happy person. Well, not exactly.

Many things are happening around me now. Can't catch up with studies and the pressure from the college activities are making me hard to breathe. There's this weird feeling stuck inside me. I want to cry but I can't. It seems that I don't cry as often as I used to. It's been a long time since I last cried. Maybe I've grown up now. Or maybe I've just forgotten how to cry.

When was the last time you had fun? Yes, I do laugh occasionally nowadays but I don't laugh from my heart anymore. All I want is to laugh till my tears come out. When will this day come again?

Here I am sitting alone in my hostel in a rainy day. Then it came crushing down on me, it seems I am alone all these while.

孤单　是一个人的狂欢
狂欢　是一群人的孤单

Choppy,
-Lonely-

Over

I still remembered, 4 months back I came back from PTUM meeting and was shocked when was told that I have been voted as the vice director of MKC(Malam Kebudayaan Cina). I was walking back to my room in a ‘blur’ mode and then I met the newly-elected director (Hong Ye) whom I barely knew at that time. I went to him hastily and my first sentence was,

Choppy: 鸿越,现在怎么办?!

Hong Ye:我也不知道怎么办!!

4 months later, from 2 people who 不知道怎么办, finally, we have succeeded in organizing MKC 09/10. 4 months of struggle, sweat, and tears was all worth it.

Anyway, my utmost gratitude and respect to Hong Ye for leading us to a great night. I must admit that neither me nor anyone else could have done a better job. I really learned a lot as your vice director. It’s still unbelievable that this is your first time leading a project.

Thanks a lot too to Jen Han and Seck Feng for the marvelous decoration work. I’m not as talented as you guys so I did not contribute much for the deco design but I really tried my best to help you all complete the work. To Jen Han, sorry if I give you too much pressure. I too have full respect for you for being able to handle 2 performances and still manage to complete your job as Deco Head so well. It amazes me how multi-talented you are .

A huge thanks as well for all the great work from juniors and seniors who have helped us along the way. MKC 09/10 will forever be a night to remember.

Our 1st draft after countless sleepless night

Turned into reality after 4 monthsBefore MKCAfter MKC

p.s. I almost cried when they threw away all the deco stuff. It hurts.

Choppy,
-Grateful-