Finally

我不是你想像那么勇敢

多想让你保护能流泪一场

Yesterday finally had the chance to go back home after a long emotional week. Have been thinking and haunted by lots of things for the past week. Could hardly catch my breath anymore. I really need a short break from everything that is happening around me. Since I entered UM, this was the first time I felt truly glad that I was able to return home; to meet my family and just hangout with some old friends.

I was lying on my bed yesterday night while listening to some songs. Everything felt very comfortable and relaxed. But soon problems begin popping in my mind. And it finally happened. After god-knows how many years, tears begin to roll out of my eyes. I cried. I cried my heart out like I've never cried before. Everytime a problem flashed across my mind, I cried even harder as though to flush it away. But I was thinking why? After such a long time, and out of all places and time, why did I have to cry now?

I guess the answer was simple. I'm finally back to a place I'm comfortable with. A place where no one can watch and criticize me. A place where I can let my guard done and stop being defensive. Then I realize, behind the confident and cheerful face that I show people outside, I'm just a little kid inside, unprepared for the big bad world out there.

让我放下武装像个孩子一样

单纯的把爱情放在你心上

p.s. I've tried my best, but is best enough?

Choppy,

-Tired-

Alone

我一个人吃饭　旅行　到处走走停停
也一个人看书　写信　自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清
我想我不仅仅是失去你

Many people think that I'm a happy person. Well, I want to be a happy person..but it's never easy. Many people have seen me laugh, some have seen me gone emo, while few have seen me cry but how many really knows what's inside me? I believe none. That's not anybody's fault though but rather my own. I don't share what's inside of me with anyone. I don't know why. Maybe I've not found the right person or maybe I just don't want to. So, most see me smiling all the time and call me a happy person. Well, not exactly.

Many things are happening around me now. Can't catch up with studies and the pressure from the college activities are making me hard to breathe. There's this weird feeling stuck inside me. I want to cry but I can't. It seems that I don't cry as often as I used to. It's been a long time since I last cried. Maybe I've grown up now. Or maybe I've just forgotten how to cry.

When was the last time you had fun? Yes, I do laugh occasionally nowadays but I don't laugh from my heart anymore. All I want is to laugh till my tears come out. When will this day come again?

Here I am sitting alone in my hostel in a rainy day. Then it came crushing down on me, it seems I am alone all these while.

孤单　是一个人的狂欢
狂欢　是一群人的孤单

Choppy,
-Lonely-

Over

I still remembered, 4 months back I came back from PTUM meeting and was shocked when was told that I have been voted as the vice director of MKC(Malam Kebudayaan Cina). I was walking back to my room in a ‘blur’ mode and then I met the newly-elected director (Hong Ye) whom I barely knew at that time. I went to him hastily and my first sentence was,

Choppy: 鸿越,现在怎么办?!

Hong Ye:我也不知道怎么办!!

4 months later, from 2 people who 不知道怎么办, finally, we have succeeded in organizing MKC 09/10. 4 months of struggle, sweat, and tears was all worth it.

Anyway, my utmost gratitude and respect to Hong Ye for leading us to a great night. I must admit that neither me nor anyone else could have done a better job. I really learned a lot as your vice director. It’s still unbelievable that this is your first time leading a project.

Thanks a lot too to Jen Han and Seck Feng for the marvelous decoration work. I’m not as talented as you guys so I did not contribute much for the deco design but I really tried my best to help you all complete the work. To Jen Han, sorry if I give you too much pressure. I too have full respect for you for being able to handle 2 performances and still manage to complete your job as Deco Head so well. It amazes me how multi-talented you are .

A huge thanks as well for all the great work from juniors and seniors who have helped us along the way. MKC 09/10 will forever be a night to remember.

Our 1st draft after countless sleepless night

Turned into reality after 4 monthsBefore MKCAfter MKC

p.s. I almost cried when they threw away all the deco stuff. It hurts.

Choppy,
-Grateful-

End

5 days left...

I can still remember, 5 months ago, I'm constantly counting down the days that I will be stuck in work. Always dreading about the same mundane routine I have to repeat everyday.

But now, with 5 days to go, I'm kinda hoping that the last day would never come. =/

I came as a stranger but bid goodbyes to many familiar faces.
I arrived with nothing to offer but leave with so many that I have received.
I've taught but I've also learned.
Thanks for the memories.
Thanks for the memories.

Choppy,
-Heavyhearted-

Smile

Today, Moh Sern from 4S5 asked me a startling question,

Moh Sern: Teacher, do you hate this class?

If you have read my previous post entitled 'Revenge', of course, the obvious answer would be

Me: Yes.

Instantly, I could see that he was very disappointed.

Then he asked me,

Moh Sern: If you hate this class, how come you can keep smiling when teaching us?

Well, I did not answer him because I also don't know the answer, lol. Do I really hate them? Hmmm... I've been stuck with 4S5 ever since the first day I'd arrived at Kwang Hua. From Civic to Physics, 4S5 is the class that I had spent the longest time with. And frankly speaking, at the moment, 4S5 is the only class where I could remember each student's name.

So, do I hate 4S5? I must say.... I don't know.

Nevertheless, I guess smiling is brian aka choppy's way of life. Smile or frown, life goes on. I choose to smile. =)

Choppy,
-Confused-

Accused

I was walking towards 3P today to substitute an absent teacher and while passing through 3Q, a student walked out of the class to 'greet' me even though Pn. X is inside. Please take note that the student walked out of the class on his own will and I had no intention to call him out or even talk to him. As I was aware that there was a teacher in class, I immediately ordered him back into class. But he was reluctant and insisted to stay outside. So, Pn. X stormed out of class and scolded the boy. I left them alone and hurried into 3P.

Later that day, as I was passing through the teacher's office, Pn. X stormed right infront of me and confronted me in front of all the other teachers. She started yelling at me, "Why you go and call the student out to talk to him? This is not the first time this had happened! You always do this and disrupt my class!"

I stare at her in disbelief. But since the other teachers were looking, I did not want to turn this into a big issue. Hence, I just told her that I did not call the student out and quickly rushed into 5S1 as I was already late for class. What she told to the other teachers, I don't know. And I don't give a damn.

If I remembered correctly, when she scolded the 3Q student, she mentioned, "How dare you walk out of class while I'm standing there like a bloody fool?" Well, guess what? Judging from the fact that you would actually go frenzy in a public area and start making baseless accusation, it shows that you truly ARE a bloody fool. And a pathetic one too.

As an experienced teacher, how could you have just made a baseless accusation and confronted me right infront of so many other people? If you were to discuss this with me in a private area, I could have explained myself. But it seems now that there is no point explaining to an absurd-minded fool. How shameful and imagine the bad example that the teacher is giving to the other pupils.

"Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"

Anyway, it isn't my fault that you failed at class-control. It's not my fault that the student walked out of class on his own will. For example, a Malaysian citizen decides to forfeit his nationality and joins Singapore because he finds Singapore much more attractive. Do you see Malaysian government declaring war on Singapore? Come on-lah, Phua Chu Kang would be the first to laugh at you.
Use your brain, use your brainnnn!
p.s. Just because you're a permanent teacher does not give you the rights to intimidate temporary teachers like us. We're all trying our best as well to contribute to the school except, of course, you.

Choppy,
-Rage-

Impression

Have you heard? The current super-sensational-stratospherically-popular Susan Boyle? Forget Jolin Tsai! Susan is the new hit in town, no, make that earth!

Visit The Sun for a louder and clearer version of her audition on Britain's Got Talent.

Alternatively, you may visit Youtube

Another perfect example not to judge a person by his/her cover. =D

Choppy,
-Baffled-